


Bathrooms Are Safe?

by FahcLove



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: 3 short stories in 1, ? - Freeform, Angst, Canon, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Michael in the Bathroom, Panic Attack, Post-Squip, SQUIP - Freeform, Safe Spaces, Short Stories, Song based ?, The Play, after canon, mention of suicide, michael is sad, squip uses they/them, technically, they're a computer Marcy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-10-31 22:02:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10908321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FahcLove/pseuds/FahcLove
Summary: Michael hasn't had a major panic attack since he was very little, but, no matter how upset and alone he would be feeling, a small time alone (or with Jeremy) in a bathroom would always make him feel safer. But not this time.(3 Short Stories!!! Kinda having to do with bathrooms?)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty much just what I imagine is going through Michael's head during Michael in the Bathroom. But I kinda stray from it a little bit…tho I recommend listening to it while reading this!

For Michael, bathrooms were his safe place. It didn't matter where he was, school, Jeremy's house, a party; whenever he was upset and needed to be alone, a bathroom was the only place he was comfortable enough to cry.

Which is why he immediately ran to the nearest bathroom when he entered Jake's house, regretting even going to his party in the first place.

But, the difference between him in the bathroom then and him in Jake's bathroom now, was the absence of Jeremy. Though Michael shouldn't be surprised. The last few months have been Jeremy-free, no matter how hard Michael had been trying to talk to his friend. Ever since he had bought the SQUIP he had been avoiding him, almost on purpose. Then, then he finally cornered Jeremey in the bathroom and his closest friend, the boy that he had survived everything through had called him a loser. To his face.

And every though bathrooms were his safe space, the painted walls seemed to be closing around him; the mirror was mocking him, showing how happy Jeremy was without him, how everyone was happy that he was gone. The familiar safety and comfort that the room gave a few minutes ago was gone, replaced by a stifling claustrophobic fear that gripped Michael with a strength unknown to him before.

Tears were streaming down his face and his brain was going a mile a minute, yet nothing was sticking in his mind. Only one thing thrummed through his head as he stood, frozen in place.

_Jeremy doesn't care about you. He has moved on, replaced you with a new you._

He knew, in that instant, that he had to get out of this party, he had to get out of this bathroom. Other party members were banging on the door, screaming to be let in, but it all sounded muted and fake to Michael's ears.

He made a move toward the door when the knocking stopped, and everything was silent. Usually, Michael would've embraced the silence, he would be able to escape from his horrible thoughts, but the silence only made him think about Jeremy.

His best friend, his rock. The only thing that is constant in Michael's ever changing life. The person he first came out to, who first accepted him, who first helped him get a date. The man who played through every game with him, would help him through every trial, everything. He was gone. Michael could never find that boy in his friend again. His mind went to the fight he and Jeremy had a few minutes ago.

"Loser," he called Michael. And sure, that might've been the SQUIP talking, but that's still Jeremy in there. The boy that Michael has had a crush on all his life called him a loser. A piece of trash. All Michael was was a loser.

Michael wanted to leave the party, but eh had no clue who was waiting on the other side of the maroon door. Jeremy, ready to laugh at him? Rich, Jake, or any of his other high school tormentors, all ready to shove his head down the toilet?

And what if someone saw that he was crying? He could blame it on the weed, sure, but only someone like Christine would believe that. Maybe if he blamed it on something in his eye, but the teasing would still be there.

Again Michael was trapped in the loop of wanting to get out of the bathroom, but the fear of what might happen if he does.

Before he knew it, he was crying again. Fat, wet tears rolling down his face. Images of Jeremy and him together, then Jeremy's face just an hour ago. The look in Jeremy's eyes when Michael would try to say hi to him in the hallway. The feeling that Michael's been having for the past few months. The feeling of being alone.

Then it hit him. Only Jeremy knew who he was. To everyone else he was the stoner kid, the loner kid, the loser who drives a stupid car. Jenna probably didn't even know his name. Just the kid who wore a red sweatshirt everyday, who was openly gay, who only hung around Jeremy Heere.

If someone caught him crying, they wouldn't care. No one knew who he was. He was just Michael in a bathroom, Michael alone at a party, Michael all alone.

With a deep breath, he wiped the tears from his face and opened the door, only to be greeted by an onslaught of people complaining and asking why he took so long. But Michael didn't care.

He just waved at Jake, who was making out with Chloe, and left, uttering the only words he had spoken since he last talked to Jeremy.

"Awesome party, I'm so glad I came."

That night, when he parents were long asleep, Michael climbed out of his bed and made his way to the bathroom where he stayed the rest of the night, crying.


	2. Jeremy's Bathroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael believes bathrooms are safe, so Jeremy does too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W: suicidal thoughts 
> 
> -This is set post-SQUIP-
> 
> I made a sad thing for Michael, so of course Jeremy was next!

The SQUIP was gone, Jeremy told himself. They were dead, destroyed, never to be anywhere near his brain or body.

But that didn't stop the very familiar voice of Keanu Reeves to sneak into his dreams at night, whispering cold truths that shook Jeremy to his very being.

_No one cares about you._

_They all want you to die._

_You were better when you were cool._

_Michael never forgave you._

Jeremy jolted awake, shaking, wide eyed and sweaty, reaching for the phone to call Michael when the SQUIP's voice went through his head again.

_Michael thinks your a burden._

Climbing out of his bed, Jeremy crawled into the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it. He had no clue what time it was, but his dad could barge in at any moment, and Jeremy didn't know if he could handle that. His whole body was shaking and his vision was blurring, no matter how much he rubbed his eyes. His forehead kept pounding and his heart was beating too fast and everything was moving too much and was too loud.

He pulled himself up from the bathroom floor and looked at himself in the mirror. Skinny, sunken eyes, dirty shirt, pale skin, no abs; the workout regiment the SQUIP assigned didn't even work out in the end, Jermey thought sadly. What was the point of even trying to work out if it would do nothing to his body anyway. At least he stopped slouching, he always looked like some sort of monster when he slouched.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to get his bearings and to stop the world from spinning. When he finally did open his eyes, he froze as what he saw.

Behind him, a figure appeared, looked glitchy and destroyed, but alive.

The SQUIP.

Jeremy turned around, but nothing was there. Of course, the SQUIP only existed in his head, he wouldn't actually be behind him.

 _sMart B,oy JemRyyy,_ the SQUIP said, sounding distorted and broken, as if it was hanging on to life by a thread.

 _u kNo hOW MucH evryOne hATEs yUo,,RiHgt..,.jErmRy?¿?_ they called out to him, fixing their broken shades and glowing eyes on the boy. Jeremy shuddered under their gaze, but he knew they were right.

Even though they were broken, the words hit Jeremy harder than he thought they would've.

Of course everyone hates him. Christine broke up with him after three weeks of them dating. Brooke and Chloe tried to date him, but he was only using them. Jake and Rich used to be his bullies. And Michael, he has treated Michael so bad over the school year Jeremy would be surprised if Michael did anything other than hate him.

Jeremy was such a mistake, a burden, that even his boyfriend hated him. He knew it. There was no way that Michael just forgave him like that. He had to be holding a grudge or something, waiting for the right moment to get back at him for every wrong thing that Jeremy did to Michael. God knows Jeremy deserves it.

Jeremy could feel the tears sliding down his face, blurring his vision and staining his shirt but he couldn't be bothered to wipe them away. It didn't matter in the end. They were just tears, just useless water leaking from his face.

 _yes jReMY....U Re useLeSssss,_ the SQUIP gargled out, and Jeremy moved from staring at himself in the mirror to sitting on the toilet. He couldn't stand to look at his disgusting, pathetic body anymore.

 _patHeiTccc,_ the SQUIP calls, and that word echoes in his head.

_patHeiTccc_

_patHeiTccc_

_patHeiTccc.........._

That's all Jeremy was, a pathetic loner who tried to hard and failed. Everyone only hung out with him out of pity and a joke. Michael never liked him, and never will. But it didn't matter, because Jeremy deserves it. He doesn't deserve love, he deserves to be the loser, to always be picked last. Maybe then, he will realize that he will never amount to anything in life.

Those thoughts filled Jeremy's head until he just sat, comatose, on the bathroom toilet. Michael always liked bathrooms, he would always tell Jeremy that. Although Jeremy never understood why, it made sense. Bathrooms were just safer, comfortable, warm.

At least, that's what Jeremy wanted to believe. But his bathroom was none of those things. Just full of sharp edges and a broken shower and empty bottles and regrets. Nothing was safe about this.

Jeremy didn't mind, he didn't want safe. He wanted to bang his head on the sharp corners of the counter, smash the bottles over his head, wrap the broken shower cord around his neck.

It's what he deserved.

Suddenly there was banging on the door. It was his dad. He had to get ready for work as Jeremy got ready for school. He went to wipe away the water that had stained his face, and pulled himself up to the counter, ignoring the shaking in his legs and the twisting feeling in his stomach. He had to look presentable for his dad so nothing looked wrong. Nothing was wrong anyway.

He washed his face, making his red eyes look less puffy and less crying-like. He took one last look in the mirror and the SQUIP who was still staring at him with a ghost of a smile tracing their lips.

"I'll be right out dad," Jeremy called as he opened the door, taking a deep breath and preparing his mind for school and for people that hate him but won't tell him.

"Have fun at school Jeremy," his dad calls to him from the bathroom as Jeremy walks out the door.

"Yeah, sure,"

Jeremy never made it to school. He hid in some bushes, waited for his dad to go to work and crawled into his bathroom and sobbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > ; }


	3. Michael! Call Michael!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The SQUIP was taking over the school, Jeremy had to do something, he had to shut it down. But how?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bet u thought ud seen the last of me u heckers,,,,,

Jeremy was trapped within the confides of his own mind, fighting a losing battle with the SQUIP for control over the school.

"There has to be a way to turn you off!" he cried, not sure if he was yelling inside his mind or in real life, but it didn't care. What mattered was the fate of Middle Borough High.

 _I would stop there. You don't want to end up like Rich!_ The SQUIP taunted, growing more and more robotic and distant, making Jeremy more and more horrified.

"Rich? What did he-" Jeremy racked his mind for the last moments of Rich before the fire. Suddenly it came back to him. Rich was searching for-

"That's it!" Jeremy had an epiphany, "Green Mountain Dew activates you, Red shuts you off!" with the new information, he made his way to the back of the theater until the SQUIP stopped him in his tracks.

 _Why do you thing we had it discontinued? To tell rid of me now, you'd need a time machine to the 1990s!_ They joked, believing that they had finally won.

Shit, they were right, Jeremy hadn't seen Mountain Dew Red in years, and he didn't know anyone who had it except, "Or a friend who's so old school he buys 90s soft drinks from the back room at Spencer's Gifts!" Michael, Jeremy realized, was the key to this puzzle.

 _Too bad you don't have one of those. Anymore._ The SQUIP laughed, fully knowing just how awful Jeremy has treated his best friend.

The realization hit Jeremy just there and then, with the SQUIP slowing taking control of his brain and the entire school, Jeremy realized what a complete asshole he's been to Michael. He ignored his best friend, just for some cool friends? Or girlfriends? What was the point in that? What was the point of being cool if you had to lose the people who's always been there for you.

He had to get Michael back. Not just for ten Mountain Dew, but for Jeremy to apologize to him.

"Michael! Call Michael!" he yelled out, as he felt his vision getting distorted and glitches out, like an old video game.

People were speaking around him, but all he heard was the distorted voice of the SQUIP, echoing in his ears.

_I'm going to improve your life, Jeremy.  
If I have to take over the entire student body to do it._

Jeremy couldn't handle it, he fell to the ground, or did he? Everything felt muted and buzzy, as if all his actions and feelings were sent through a controller into his hands, not his whole body. His eyes were blurring over and it felt like everyone was talking at once, yet not at all.

Was that Michael's voice he heard? Jeremy couldn't tell, it was probably just the SQUIP making up a voice or something. What was going to happen to him after this? He would never see Michael again, that was for sure. The one and only friendship he had, and he fucked it up.

Jeremy suddenly lost all feeling, lost all direction, lost everything. Was he up or down, standing to sitting, talking or being mute? He had no clue, everything was buzzing and the SQUIP was talking and nothing made sense.

Then suddenly, Michael's hands were on his face, and his chocolate eyes were locked on to Jeremy's blue ones.

"Jeremy, snap out of it! Please, tell me you're in there," Michael called out, and Jeremy opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

_Vocal chord blocking: on_

"Jeremy, can you hear me?" Jeremy nodded, "can you speak?" Jeremy shook his head and Michael sighed.

"Well, here goes nothing. Jeremy, can I kiss you?" Jeremy's mind froze, and the insistent chattering of the SQUIP stopped, shocked. Michael was immediately embarrassed, removing his hands from Jeremy's face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that-" Jeremy stopped him and nodded.

The next thing Jeremy remembered was Michael's lips on his own. It wasn't a good kiss, full of glasses and braces and sweat, but Jeremy loved it all the same.

"Michael, I-I love you," he breathed out, and his best friend chuckled.

"I love you too."

"Uh, about the Red Mountain Dew? Can I drink it before the SQUIP takes over the school?"

"Yeah sure. Always the good kid, wanting to save the world before making out again."

The two boys laughed, and Jeremy chugged the bottle, gave Michael a kiss on the lips, and passed out.

He woke up in the hospital, his head surprisingly empty. Rich was next to him, talking up a storm, but Jeremy barely listened. All he cared about was Michael.

"Looking for your boyfriend?" Rich seemed to read his thoughts, "he went out to get some food, he should be back soon. Dont worry Jeremy," he reassured, and Jeremy let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

"Thank you Rich. Also, is your brain supposed to be so empty? It feels like I can't feel anything," Rich nodded, and Jeremy relaxed. Everything seemed to be so much bigger than it was and Jeremy really didn't want some sort of brain cancer because of the stupid SQUIP.

Before he could think about it too much, Michael burst through the door, a familiar 7/11 slushee in his hands, "Jeremy! I heard you woke up! I'm so sorry I wasnt there with you, are you okay? Do you need anything?" Michael started rabeling, grabbing every part of Jeremy's body, looking for any injuries of any kind.

"Michael, I'm fine, and I should be the one apologizing to you! I said some really mean stuff to you and I can never forgive myself for that. I had no excuse to say anything like that, even if I had a SQUIP. I know you well enough to know how much those words effected you and I am so very sorry for any time you felt ignored, lost, or hurt by me. Will you please forgive me?" Rich had closed his curtain, giving Michale and Jeremy some time alone, which both boys were grateful for.

Michael let out a breath and Jeremy noticed tears down both of their faces. "Jeremy, what you did and said hurt me, but I know what kind of pressure you were under, and I forgive you. Now, can I please have another kiss?"

"Of course, Mer-bear."

"Please don't call me that. I may love you, but I don't think I can handle any nicknames."

"Okay, Mi-cool."

Michael kisses him again, the two boys properly smiling for the first time in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank u for all ur comments and kudos, I couldn't've written like half of this w/o the constant validation <33

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to make this have a happy ending sooooo bad, but I wanted to stick to the story so poor Michael :(( I love him so much,,,,


End file.
